letting it all out

I layed here for a minuet unable to even type. not knowing where to even begin, I watched everything just go down. The text the phone calls online dating accounts women knocking at the door lies, a hole year of crap. Words that once pleased my ears now pierce my heart. does he even realize were falling apart, living unhappily day by day. I may be on women number 20 maybe more. why is this man dragging me around instead of letting me go? anyone can cook dinner scrub dishes and clean house, is there anything more? im in love with a  man who is unable to love me. we have some of the happiest days, days where I put the women and pain behind me and just enjoy his company massage his body after he’s had a hard day at work, lay on the couch and pretend to enjoy one of his movies even being in Walmart was fun. needless to say I shop alone now, he’s asleep on the couch and when he got home from work there was just tension between us. I ask him if we should just stop, I go my way he goes his all he tells me is “your not going anywhere”. I don’t even know what those words mean. The women are no better, a few days ago I read a text where he stated “my wife and I but im not happy” her statement back was “ill make you happy baby” following night he’s shaving taking his sweet time in the shower till the hot water was gone. packed a bag and was out the door, he was suppose to be gone all night. I left to my parents sitting within these walls thinking will drive a person insane. I sent him a text told him house was locked alarms on to text me if he’s coming home early, sure enough 12:30am ” is clicker in spot” claimed he went to his sisters he didn’t go anywhere. when I bring up the situation he ignores it and when he comes home he cant even speak or look at me. what a coward. the only thing that eats away at me everyday is the word “future”. our plans our house our dreams what does our future hold for us? will we last? or are our days numbered.

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